God's Gift

I wouldn't say you were planned. But you are the most valuable gift god has ever gave me.The year of 2015 my life did a 360 for the better. I slipped up and got pregnant. I now had a responsibility of an adult. It was now time for me to sit down and make a decision of did I want to abort you or become a mother? As the questions remained in my head I procrastinated. Questions like (Am I too young?),(Will the father stick around?),(How will I finish school?),(How will I provide for you?)etc. But it was time for me to come with an answer.

  I chose to keep you. I kept you because I felt like you was a blessing. I felt like God put you there to repair the hole that was in my heart . As days went past I became more and more excited I would finally have some I could call my own. I wouldn't have to worry about you hurting me or even stepping in and out of my life. To hear your heart beat made me grow even more attached. Was I really finna become a mother?

 The doctors appointments and shopping and also to feel you kick made it even more believable. So many nights I would just stay up just to feel you kick just so I can have a conversation with you. You were worth the nine months I carried you baby girl.

 November 13,2015 as I gave birth to you I felt like it was a new beginning for me.Through the ten hours of pain I was really anxious to meet you. The three days in Mount Sinai with stitches in me I still remained strong to make sure you were good. Getting up every three hours to change and feed you was very stressful and irritating. But to see you progress amazed me . To come from sleeping all day to really paying attention to mommy. From laying down all day to my lil lady walking  her own and calling my name.

I never knew i could love somebody with everything in me.

My Bestfriend Miasia

      My Best friend Miasia

      She was only 14 when she died, dead in my arms all the tears and the cries. Screaming for help but felt like nobody wanted to help. I reached down in my pocket called the police, her parents and my mom. It was crowds everywhere sounding me while I held her. I remember her last words “I love you and tell my mom and dad I love them too,” tears coming out my eyes like a waterfall drowning myself. I couldn’t believe God took my best friend away from me two days before her birthday and our graduation.

     I met her when I was five, I was attending Beidler Elementary. Early one morning my mom bought me some juice and chips. I walked into class and my teacher Ms.James introduce us to a new student, Miasia Johnson, I never knew she was going to be my best friend. During lunchtime that day she apple slices and I wanted some so I took one of her apple slices. “Hey! What are you doing?” she said, “ I’ll give you some chips and juice for it.” She said “Okay.” Ever Since that day we were closer than ever. Miasia has always been there through my weakest and strongest points. In the 2nd grade she was the strongest person I knew. She was there when I was told that I wasn’t going to be able to walk due to me being underweight. She was very supportive. For example I had to drink them nasty drinks to gain weight and she would drink them with me to make me feel better. She taught me that everything would be okay if you have a true friend there with you. I did the same for her in the fourth grade when she broke her leg, I fell down a hill and fractured my leg so we would be together and so I can support her like she did for me when I was sick. Miasia was always the brave one in 5th grade I was being bullied and she always stood up for me like she was my protector. She taught me how to stand up for myself. 6th grade was the most important year in our friendship. That year she taught me about being true to myself. I had always felt like I needed to change to fit in but she always told me “ If everyone was the same how would you be special?” We hit a rock bottom we got into a huge fight and didn’t talk for weeks. I always knew she was stubborn that’s why I loved her. 7th grade went by fast. I never knew 8th grade year was going to be the worst year for us both. We fought almost everyday she made me feel like we might be growing apart. We was arguing over how her boyfriend was using her and she felt like I was jealous. I wasn’t I wanted to protect her from getting hurt like she would do for me. I felt like she didn’t want to trust me and she was picking him over our friendship. She made me feel like I was nothing, like all we had was gone.It was weeks before we decided to try to talk things out. It felt like months not talking to her especially when we lived next door, had all the same class and even sat next to each other at lunch. We would be right next to each other and not say a word. Oh my god I knew we both was stubborn but we both knew it was time to fix things. We yelled,cried and laugh when we was talking. We made a promise to never let someone tear us apart. I guess looking back that distance made us closer. The not speaking and talking to each other showed how much we needed to be together. After so long of not talking when we finally did we taught each other how to talk out our problems. Befor then we didn’t know how to talk to each other. All we did was yell and scream at one another. Due to us being afraid to lose each other so we control our voices and had a normal conversation. That brought us closer because we learned out to communicate.  We were finally back close and closer than ever. She told me “Our friendship is more important than anything we are forever best friend, I love you.” I started to tear up because I’ve got my bestie back. “I love you more.” The next week I didn’t know it would be last day I see my best friend. “ We gon be late for school come on!” she yelled. “Here I come.” So we walking down the street on our way to school talking about high school and all the people we going to meet. Boom! We hear gunshots and see a black car i grab my bestfriend. I go into shock she’s bleeding I grab her I’m holding her hand she lying in between me. I’m crying yelling for help. She bleeding uncontrollably she mumbling, she was only 14 dying in my arms. I call police , her parents and my mom.I hear people screaming but not helping. I couldn’t believe god took my bestfriend away. Her last words “ I love you and tell my moms and dad I love them too.” She closed her eyes. I’m drowning in tears “She’s dead they took my best friend.” We sat out there for hours. I never saw her dad cry before. I couldn’t believe she was gone forever. I had nightmares about it, about her. I felt like it was my fault. I wanted God to take us both why he didn’t take me too? Months turned into years I started high school without her. I had problems and deaths I had to deal with by myself. I’m 17 now looking back on those years I wish my bestfriend was here. I wish I can call her and tell her about my first boyfriend, first heartbreak, first everything. I really wanted my best friend with me. She taught me a lesson she’s never gone she in my heart and because of her I’m proud of the person she helped me be.

  My Memoir…..

My name is Amber Nicole LeSure and this is my story….

From birth my mom and dad were apparently never around.      I wouldn't know because there are so many different stories.

 My mom did drugs at the time and I guess and my dad was never around. They had three kids named Amber (me), Elijah, and Kaila. One day we were taken away from them. I don’t know why, we just were, and from then on  it was hell. We were placed in a foster home with other foster kids. Being there was like being in hell, the adults were awful and the guy workers were creeps the kids were mean and evil. One night while I was asleep with my sister I heard a strange noise and woke up and saw one of the male workers come in and walk around “checking on us” but I knew what he was really doing. So I  had my little sister go sleep in another bed next to me and she went in the other bed and fell asleep and when he came in he was coming towards my little sister bed (the one I'm in) and sat down on it and lift the covers at the end of the bed. I kept quiet hoping he wouldn’t know it was me instead. He did what he came in to do and i felt disgusting. A month of this goes by and finally we got tooken in with a family. They took us to their house where we were immediately all put into a room. The room was dirty and awful. We would have to eat and sleep in that room. I did all the work for them because they couldn’t. I was cleaning out the closet and was approached by the father/husband and he came in the closet and closed the door and told me if I want my brother and sister to eat and not be punished than I better do as he tells me. Well I guess you can tell I had no choice so I did as told for his pleasure and was told to go to his sons room and let what happens. The son didn't do anything except let me watch tv. After that our social worker Steve came and checked up on us. We left that same day after I told him what happened. We went back to the house with the foster kids and had a room to ourselves. Two-three months later we were adopted again by a different family who did the same things except they beat me because I wasn’t gonna let them hit my brother or sister. We left that house to. Finally we were adopted by an aunt who I loved dearly but didn't trust her. She passed away when we were 10,9,and 8 years of age. Our grandma took us in and her son and his wife and child were stating with her. Jessie (her son/our uncle) was mean to us. We got punished for things we didn't do and it was horrible. His daughter took pleasure in our pain. My grandma has dementia now and is sick. We live with or auntie and it’s not as bad but bad. Our father isn’t really like a dad more of a sperm donor and I sometimes dislike him.

My life with my siblings was filled with laughter, love, and sometimes dislike. I didn’t meet my oldest sister till I was about 13 and we look alike a lot and when I saw her, I was like auntie who is this… she told me it was my sister Tamisha and I looked at her and she gave me a hug and told me we have the same dad but different mothers and we clicked after that. When I was in Bellwood my other older sister Ariana. She is like my best friend and my mentor. 

We talk about everything from boys to sex to everything in between. 

We had lots of fun times together. Like one time we was outside and it was past curfew and we were playing by running in the streets and would get back on the sidewalk and laugh or when we was walking to a park down the street from our house and we saw the police and we were running and sitting in house porches acting like that was our house so we wouldn’t get caught. Another memory would be when all my siblings was playing upstairs and we were play fighting and RiRi kicked Kaila into the window and we laughed at her or when we had a mouse upstairs and we used peanut butter in a mouse trap and my little sister stepped in it and was freaking out and we was laughing because we all was to scared to get it. My other good memory would be with my boyfriend who I call teddy bear or any annoying name. 

We always play video games and I cheat because I'm a sore loser and it’s fun. We would sit there and argue over who we don't like and do like when watching America’s Next Top Model or BGC or Love & Hip Hop. It’s cute when he acts like he cares and knows what he's talking about. 

 My parents are funny. My dad does this things were he squeezes your thigh really hard and says g-unit and laughs and it tickles a lot and my momma would just give kisses or crack jokes on my dad. One time my mom and dad was arguing and she went to the bathroom on the house phone talking to someone and he asked her who she talking to and she ignored him. So he unplugged the phone charger and she was still talking on it and he said “it’s unplugged Tammey. Who you talking to” and he laughed and said she’s crazy. 

Also, my friends are amazing people who make me laugh like Amari who always have a funny and crazy to tell and I lover her personality and her spirit. And my other friend Nneka because she alway’s have a master plan for things to do or causes trouble. 

Being around these is like there's an event everyday but, one of them that sticks out to me the most would be a time me and my sister was on our way to Yorktown mall. 

So this was during the winter and there was no snow on the ground and we was standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus. 

After a few minutes to an hour the bus finally arrived.

As you know it gets dark fast in the winter, so we on the bus sitting in the front just talking. 

The bus driver stops at one of the bus stops and let some more people on. 

Now we driving on the bridge getting closer to the mall. 

The bus stopped at another bus stop and let this homeless looking woman on the bus and as the doors was closing, her foot was caught in the door and she fell. 

The lady was hollering out “Ohh my ankle I think it's broken I need your insurance company name.”

 At this time it’s fully dark and cold outside so the bus driver pulls over and stops the bus and calls the police and ambulance for the woman. 

Me and my sister was sitting on the bus still and we was laughing at the woman and RiRi called our mom and was telling her what happened and our momma said that we shouldn’t laugh at her. 

So we sitting there getting hungry and angry now and the people that as on the bus with us was talking about the woman. 

One of them said “man why would she do this stupid stuff now with her duck tape looking ash hair looking stiff and like tree bark.”

 Me and my sister started laughing again and after a few hours the police arrested the woman saying she was pulling this stunt on lots of people and were looking for her. 

So after the police left the bus driver went back to driving and we was on our way back to going to the mall.

 So we get to the mall and buy clothes and shoes and go home. 

We get home and our momma asked us about the lady on the bus we started to tell her and she laughed along with us. 

At the time, I was feeling like the lady was weird and on some drugs and that she didn’t care anymore and to me her situation was funny because of what she was doing and how she didn’t care about embarrassing herself in front of others. 

I felt happy because I had a good day. That day was a funny and great day for me.  

But, that’s the life of Amber LeSure

An Unbreakable Bond

     Four years ago when I was thirteen years old my grandmother use to take me to this place called Famous Dave. She used to take me there all the time because I did well in school and never gave her any problems. We used to have Grandmother and Granddaughter day because I was the only one out of all her grandchildren that love to be around her, it would always be me, my brother and my three girl cousin that would be over my auntie house but ill be the only one waiting on my grandma to come so I can spend time with her. My Grandmother is a nice and caring  person she love to cook and clean for everybody.

My Grandmother and I would do everything together I used to go to the store with her, she always did my  hair because I never wanted to go anywhere with my hair not did because I would have cried. I used to go to the store and buy what ever I wanted without her saying no sometimes because she would tell me im not about to spend all of her money.  She used to tell me  tell me she love my company  all time she use to tell me that what  ever I need don’t be scared to ask for nothing because she felt that it was worth giving it to me. I loved my Grandmother for who she is she is a positive person when she want to be only if you don’t make her mad  she would  tell me good things and tell me follow the right path. Some Grandparents don’t have that relationship that my grandmom and I had. It’s a good relationship, such as supporting me and never leaving my side.

       I learned that you should have a better relationship with your Grandparents and parents because you only get one family in a life time in to not have a bond with them can be a bad thing because one day u can wake up in they might not be around anymore.

Look at us sharing our stories!!! #Proud Scholars #Writers

My Opportunity

                

Now that I am looking back There’s 1 place that kept me out of trouble.The gym. Basketball helped me change my life and stay out of trouble. It all started when I was about 8 years old. My god mother bought me my first basketball rim. I had already knew how to play a little bit but didnt have my own rim. I was a bad kid got suspended from school alot. I fought the students. I disrespected the teachers.I even used to steal from the stores.I didnt even listen to anything anybody told me. I thought everything was funny. I hung out with people I wasnt supposed to. In gym when,I was little,I would play basketball. I was scared to try out for the team. But,I was the best in my class.The reason,I didnt try out becuse,I use to get real nervous and mess up. Then as,i grew older,I trained myself. Played with people bigger thanme. Working to get stronger. Then came my freshman year in high school when i was really serious about basketball. i went to douglas for 2 weeks. Then,i moved to the suburbs. I played basketball at parks there so people knew,i was a good player. They were saying,i can make it to the NBA. I was always tall. The biggest one in my class.Basket ball tryouts started. I went to the first one and the second one.They told me,i didnt make the team. I was really angry.Because,i felt like,i was the best one.I didnt make it because,I didnt know how to do the plays.So,every single day,i went to the gym and just worked on my game.The gym felt like it was my home. When,i was in the gym,i felt at peace.Then,i moved back to chicago.Then,my mom put me in an alternative school call (ASA)For no reason. I was playing for their team for a little bit.Then,i stopped because,i started playing for 5 other teams. I didnt have any time to myself.Just practices and games back to back. But,i love it.I was in the gym more my own house.I played for this basketball team at laffalette park. We won every game,we played then we made it  to th championshipwe lost by1 point. I wasnt mad because,we did our best.I get respect from the people,i use to hang with.I look back now,18 the people i use to hang with getting locked up.They getting shot.I changed alot.I take school more serious.I think i made the right choice.I thaank god for my talent.

A Shattered Bond

         

    Ever since I was younger, I was kind of a difficult child. I got into a lot of trouble whether at home, at school or and outside of school. I remember her and I know who my mother is but she always had one leg in, and one leg out of my life.

   When I was about 4 years old, I began to get worst. I’d fight my brothers and sisters, other students in my class, and people on the outside also.                 Teachers started to call constantly more than 5 times a week. One Monday morning, I was in pre-school and my principle called home and said “Asia is usually easy to handle but today, this isn’t Asia.” From that day on my mother kept me home. I always wondered why home for me wasn’t the same for my siblings. Why I went home to my grandmas, yet my sister’s lived with my mom and my brother lived with my father. Although there were good times, the bad always out weight the good. My Grandma was sick and had gotten worst.

    My younger sister Kyra and were I were just a year & a few months apart. She’s really who I played with the most and spent most of my time with.

    On this day, I can’t exactly remember what I was upset about but, I can remember her cry. She was crying so loud I just knew my mom had heard. I knew I was in trouble; I stabbed my sister in the eye with a flathead screw driver and it was so close to hitting her actual eye. At that moment I just knew I was in trouble. I don’t even remember why or what had made me do what I did to her. I was scared, and I felt so bad just couldn’t understand why I did what I had done. “She could’ve been hurt badly, she could’ve lost her eyesight”; that’s all I could think to myself.

    Days went by and I wasn’t too much in trouble but my mom seemed worried. I had been staying with my mom for some time because my grandma was admitted into the hospital.

  Whenever I’d go out with my mom we’d go shopping or somewhere nice, yet on this day it was something different. We walked into this big place. It looked just like the hospital where I visited my grandma, but it wasn’t. “Are we visiting Grandma Ma?” I asked, “No, I’m just taking you for a checkup”, She responded. Too young to understand, I just thought to myself “what was wrong” I felt ok, tummy didn’t hurt, wasn’t coughing and I was just confused.

   I heard my Name being called and my mom grabbed my arm and jumped right up. We sat down in the little room. An older man with grey hair and glasses walked in, Sat at his desk and immediately proceeded with his questions. He asked my name like 4 times, Asked me “When is your birthday, When were you born, what is your date of birth?” He asked me in plenty different ways to confused me but I answered them all the same. Then, things got personal, and asked my mom to step out. He asked me questions about my feelings. He wanted to know what made me upset, sad, and happy and I answered them all truthfully. He was all done with all his crazy questions and I was ready to go home, but my mom said we had to wait. Two ladies walked up, one with scrubs on another dressed regularly and pulled my mom aside. The two women exchanged a few words with my mom one walked away and the one dressed in scrubs stood aside. I seen my moms head just drop and from behind I can tell she was crying. The lady called me her way and my mom squatted down to me and said “You have to stay here a few days, Mommy’s not going to leave, Every night I’ll be in that parking lot waiting on you and they’re going to take care of you here”. I was scared I didn’t want to stay there and I thought my mom had the option of just taking me home. Yet she didn’t.

       I missed everyone my brothers, sisters, and the one person I missed the most was my grandma. She was sick and I couldn’t see her, touch her, and kiss her, nothing. I couldn’t understand how my mom can leave me there or why she didn’t at lease try to take me home.

     I was only there a week and it felt like years, decades. I barely ate or showered and hardly ever spoke to anyone. I was hurt, and I somewhat resented my mother for that, yet I didn’t speak on that because it was time for me to go home and I wasn’t worried about anything else.

        It was the week before my brother’s birthday and my grandmother had gotten worst. I was staying with my father now so I was at the hospital more often than usual because my dad understood the bond we shared and knew I hadn’t seen her. “Dad what’s all those tubes for “I asked “Those tubes are to help grandma breath” he responded. I knew it was serious because my grandma didn’t use any of that at home, especially to breath.

     August 27^th, 2005 my mother got a phone call from the hospital and they wanted her there immediately. She was gone, my grandma was gone. She was my heart, the only person who truly understood me, when my mom tried to make me take those medications, my grandma didn’t let her. My world felt empty and so did my heart. After the funeral and the situation died down a little bit, I hardly saw my mom and sisters. I felt some disconnection, as if something wasn’t right. My family was falling apart and I understood more because I was getting older. My mom wasn’t herself. She wasn’t working anymore, she was depressed and act as if she didn’t care for anything no longer.

          I turn 18 in just a few months. My mindset is different and I understand a lot of things that go on because I’m older now. But I still find myself asking why? I still can’t understand why my mom didn’t try hard enough or why she doesn’t try now. Forget the past I can’t get that back, but now and the future why not try? I miss our bond and I want that back as bad as I want my grandma back...