An Unbreakable Bond

     Four years ago when I was thirteen years old my grandmother use to take me to this place called Famous Dave. She used to take me there all the time because I did well in school and never gave her any problems. We used to have Grandmother and Granddaughter day because I was the only one out of all her grandchildren that love to be around her, it would always be me, my brother and my three girl cousin that would be over my auntie house but ill be the only one waiting on my grandma to come so I can spend time with her. My Grandmother is a nice and caring  person she love to cook and clean for everybody.

My Grandmother and I would do everything together I used to go to the store with her, she always did my  hair because I never wanted to go anywhere with my hair not did because I would have cried. I used to go to the store and buy what ever I wanted without her saying no sometimes because she would tell me im not about to spend all of her money.  She used to tell me  tell me she love my company  all time she use to tell me that what  ever I need don’t be scared to ask for nothing because she felt that it was worth giving it to me. I loved my Grandmother for who she is she is a positive person when she want to be only if you don’t make her mad  she would  tell me good things and tell me follow the right path. Some Grandparents don’t have that relationship that my grandmom and I had. It’s a good relationship, such as supporting me and never leaving my side.

       I learned that you should have a better relationship with your Grandparents and parents because you only get one family in a life time in to not have a bond with them can be a bad thing because one day u can wake up in they might not be around anymore.

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My Opportunity

                

Now that I am looking back There’s 1 place that kept me out of trouble.The gym. Basketball helped me change my life and stay out of trouble. It all started when I was about 8 years old. My god mother bought me my first basketball rim. I had already knew how to play a little bit but didnt have my own rim. I was a bad kid got suspended from school alot. I fought the students. I disrespected the teachers.I even used to steal from the stores.I didnt even listen to anything anybody told me. I thought everything was funny. I hung out with people I wasnt supposed to. In gym when,I was little,I would play basketball. I was scared to try out for the team. But,I was the best in my class.The reason,I didnt try out becuse,I use to get real nervous and mess up. Then as,i grew older,I trained myself. Played with people bigger thanme. Working to get stronger. Then came my freshman year in high school when i was really serious about basketball. i went to douglas for 2 weeks. Then,i moved to the suburbs. I played basketball at parks there so people knew,i was a good player. They were saying,i can make it to the NBA. I was always tall. The biggest one in my class.Basket ball tryouts started. I went to the first one and the second one.They told me,i didnt make the team. I was really angry.Because,i felt like,i was the best one.I didnt make it because,I didnt know how to do the plays.So,every single day,i went to the gym and just worked on my game.The gym felt like it was my home. When,i was in the gym,i felt at peace.Then,i moved back to chicago.Then,my mom put me in an alternative school call (ASA)For no reason. I was playing for their team for a little bit.Then,i stopped because,i started playing for 5 other teams. I didnt have any time to myself.Just practices and games back to back. But,i love it.I was in the gym more my own house.I played for this basketball team at laffalette park. We won every game,we played then we made it  to th championshipwe lost by1 point. I wasnt mad because,we did our best.I get respect from the people,i use to hang with.I look back now,18 the people i use to hang with getting locked up.They getting shot.I changed alot.I take school more serious.I think i made the right choice.I thaank god for my talent.

A Shattered Bond

         

    Ever since I was younger, I was kind of a difficult child. I got into a lot of trouble whether at home, at school or and outside of school. I remember her and I know who my mother is but she always had one leg in, and one leg out of my life.

   When I was about 4 years old, I began to get worst. I’d fight my brothers and sisters, other students in my class, and people on the outside also.                 Teachers started to call constantly more than 5 times a week. One Monday morning, I was in pre-school and my principle called home and said “Asia is usually easy to handle but today, this isn’t Asia.” From that day on my mother kept me home. I always wondered why home for me wasn’t the same for my siblings. Why I went home to my grandmas, yet my sister’s lived with my mom and my brother lived with my father. Although there were good times, the bad always out weight the good. My Grandma was sick and had gotten worst.

    My younger sister Kyra and were I were just a year & a few months apart. She’s really who I played with the most and spent most of my time with.

    On this day, I can’t exactly remember what I was upset about but, I can remember her cry. She was crying so loud I just knew my mom had heard. I knew I was in trouble; I stabbed my sister in the eye with a flathead screw driver and it was so close to hitting her actual eye. At that moment I just knew I was in trouble. I don’t even remember why or what had made me do what I did to her. I was scared, and I felt so bad just couldn’t understand why I did what I had done. “She could’ve been hurt badly, she could’ve lost her eyesight”; that’s all I could think to myself.

    Days went by and I wasn’t too much in trouble but my mom seemed worried. I had been staying with my mom for some time because my grandma was admitted into the hospital.

  Whenever I’d go out with my mom we’d go shopping or somewhere nice, yet on this day it was something different. We walked into this big place. It looked just like the hospital where I visited my grandma, but it wasn’t. “Are we visiting Grandma Ma?” I asked, “No, I’m just taking you for a checkup”, She responded. Too young to understand, I just thought to myself “what was wrong” I felt ok, tummy didn’t hurt, wasn’t coughing and I was just confused.

   I heard my Name being called and my mom grabbed my arm and jumped right up. We sat down in the little room. An older man with grey hair and glasses walked in, Sat at his desk and immediately proceeded with his questions. He asked my name like 4 times, Asked me “When is your birthday, When were you born, what is your date of birth?” He asked me in plenty different ways to confused me but I answered them all the same. Then, things got personal, and asked my mom to step out. He asked me questions about my feelings. He wanted to know what made me upset, sad, and happy and I answered them all truthfully. He was all done with all his crazy questions and I was ready to go home, but my mom said we had to wait. Two ladies walked up, one with scrubs on another dressed regularly and pulled my mom aside. The two women exchanged a few words with my mom one walked away and the one dressed in scrubs stood aside. I seen my moms head just drop and from behind I can tell she was crying. The lady called me her way and my mom squatted down to me and said “You have to stay here a few days, Mommy’s not going to leave, Every night I’ll be in that parking lot waiting on you and they’re going to take care of you here”. I was scared I didn’t want to stay there and I thought my mom had the option of just taking me home. Yet she didn’t.

       I missed everyone my brothers, sisters, and the one person I missed the most was my grandma. She was sick and I couldn’t see her, touch her, and kiss her, nothing. I couldn’t understand how my mom can leave me there or why she didn’t at lease try to take me home.

     I was only there a week and it felt like years, decades. I barely ate or showered and hardly ever spoke to anyone. I was hurt, and I somewhat resented my mother for that, yet I didn’t speak on that because it was time for me to go home and I wasn’t worried about anything else.

        It was the week before my brother’s birthday and my grandmother had gotten worst. I was staying with my father now so I was at the hospital more often than usual because my dad understood the bond we shared and knew I hadn’t seen her. “Dad what’s all those tubes for “I asked “Those tubes are to help grandma breath” he responded. I knew it was serious because my grandma didn’t use any of that at home, especially to breath.

     August 27^th, 2005 my mother got a phone call from the hospital and they wanted her there immediately. She was gone, my grandma was gone. She was my heart, the only person who truly understood me, when my mom tried to make me take those medications, my grandma didn’t let her. My world felt empty and so did my heart. After the funeral and the situation died down a little bit, I hardly saw my mom and sisters. I felt some disconnection, as if something wasn’t right. My family was falling apart and I understood more because I was getting older. My mom wasn’t herself. She wasn’t working anymore, she was depressed and act as if she didn’t care for anything no longer.

          I turn 18 in just a few months. My mindset is different and I understand a lot of things that go on because I’m older now. But I still find myself asking why? I still can’t understand why my mom didn’t try hard enough or why she doesn’t try now. Forget the past I can’t get that back, but now and the future why not try? I miss our bond and I want that back as bad as I want my grandma back...

A Story about a Beautiful Girl and Her Mother

Thirteen years ago when I was five years old my mother use to take me to my favorite place called Denny’s. She used to take me all the time because I did well in school in got good grades. We used to have mother and daughter day because I was the only girl out of four kids, it was three boys and me of course. My mother is a nice person she have a job she take care of her four children including my daughter. 

My mother and I would do everything together I used to go to the store with her, do her hair. I used to go to the store and buy what ever I wanted without her saying no. I used to tell her I loved her all the time she use to tell me that she wouldn’t trade me for nothing in the world because I was a mini-her. I love my mother for who she is she is a positive person and she tell me good things and tell me follow the right path. Some parents don’t have that relationship that my mom and I had. It’s a good relationship, such as supporting me and never leaving my side.

 I learned that you should have a better relationship with your parents and talk to your parents and not talk back to your parents cherish every moment with your parents because you won’t know what happened. I feel so amazed by her because she is a good lady and she is positive. I love every moment with her she help me with everything. She helped me with my baby and with my school. She is a loving caring person and she didn’t have to be there she could of left but she stood by my side when I had my baby at a young age.

How I Met My Diary

It was 2005 when I first moved on Augusta. I was so happy because there so many kids on the block and I only had two brothers,because  my sister lived in Arizona with her daddy. I was so excited to go outside and I didn't even know nobody. I sat my porch for hours watching all the commotion going on. Two girls walked on my porch and asked me did I want to play double dutch? I was so shy I just came out and said “yeah”. I didn’t even ask my mom. The two girls looked like twins. They were dressed alike and had the same hairstyle I could barely tell them apart. We walked to a park I got to know them (Tonesha and Tonette) they got to know me. They introduced me to their other friends and their family. I enjoyed the day so much that when I got home I asked my mom to transfer me to the school around the corner named Piccolo. She was not having it, I tried so many ways to convince her. Somehow Tonesha convinced my mom to transfer me. After that I always loved her, she made me want to become a girly girl because her and her sisters was always dressed alike with their pretty beads and pretty sandals. I was too busy hopping gates & going on the hills to find snakes with my cousin Daytrieon. Every morning I came to Tonesha’s house so that she could put my hair in a Ponytail. I got very close to her we were like Bestfriends. I was over their house every single day having pool parties in the back yard. Their mom Fatonya treated me like her child. 

      As we got older we always been friends. We had some fall outs, but we end up right back in each other’s face. Once we touched reached high school it all start coming. The fame, popularity, boys & just a bunch of fun. I was a Freshman at Voise Academy, I had to convince my mom to transfer me to Orr where I knew people.( regret)I regret it because I changed so much, I got in trouble so much that I had to sign a contract for my behavior . I got in Orr we had the clout our whole crew was Popping! Orr was like a fashion show, if you didn't have the newest you was broke. We always was part of the fashion show although we didn't have jobs. We was living life getting high , getting drunk, in traffic everyday. I basically lived with them. Tonesha know me like no other. I learned how to be more lady-like being around her. I love her like a real sister because she’s there for me whenever I need her. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her . I got her until Infinity!

3 Shots Of Pain

                         by Mario Gaines

This is a story about my favorite cousin Ewonte. He was older then me and I looked up to him because I wanted to be just like him. Being around Him you would laugh a lot he was a laid back chill type of guy. Every time I came around him he would do things for me like take me to parks, bike rides,and females houses. He helped me get my first girlfriend.

The relationship me and Ewonte had was great he treated me like a big brother I never had. Most of the things I do today I learned It from. Ewonte was a ladies’ man. He had multiple girlfriends because he could talk very well to women. Multiple females knew him and often talked about him a lot.

Even though we had a great relationship he also had a relationship with the streets. He spent most of his time outside hanging with friends. Ewonte was a good person but was not a smart hustler. He often had a lot of trouble with the law. He had been locked up over 10 times and been on house arrest over 3 times.

Ewonte did what he wanted because his parents were not very strict. He lived with his mother and he had 1 brother and 1 sister. His father was a working man he didn’t see him that much. Ewonte was very loved by the whole family because he made everyone laugh and have fun.

One day Ewonte was chilling on the corner listening to headphones with a friend. When a gunman approached him on a bike and let off shots. Hitting Ewonte 3 times in the back he tried to get up but the shots weakened him. The ambulance came and took him to the hospital but sadly Ewonte didn’t make it. He died on the same day as our grandmother the whole family was devastated.

I was crushed. The feeling of losing somebody really hurt. Everybody from around the area was sad because he was loved by so many. Words can’t explain how I felt I cried at the candle light but not at the funeral I had to stay strong. Flashbacks of Ewonte will always be in my head. His killer said it was mistaken identity but that didn’t matter to me. Justice for Ewonte was served. His killer received 45 years and had to do 80%.

The Loving of My Mother

          Looking back at the memories with my mother when I was 12. as a young adult I can tell u guys she is a very lovable women . this one time my mother went shopping at this time I was young around the age of 12 . we  had got on the bus because my mother car was getting worked on so we had went downtown to the water tower she asked me did I want something to eat I said yes so we went to eat at red lobster that food was so good. So when we got done we went back to shopping. She bought me some shoes and a lot of cloths that I wanted. I remember thinking, I’m so happy she buying me all this stuff an spending all that time with me.

            My mother is a very good person. Shes real nice and she loves moving around and spending time with her kids. She takes us out to eat and makes sure im in school, and makes sure me an my little sister gets the things we need. This is why I feel like this about my mother she have two kids, she’s a strong black women she is very hard working she have 2 jobs to support her family. She makes sure she spend all the free time with me an my sister. And she is a very sweet and nice women she kind to a lot of people the main reason I love her so much. I love my mother more then life its self and theres nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I want the people to know we have an unbreakable bond. I love my mother and I want them to know you only get one so love her to the death of you.

            Then way I feel bout my mother words cant even explain it she’s one of the best women in the world. Any thing she needs me to do um on it. I learned that the bond me an my mother share no one can come between it because it’s the type of bond that we would kill and die for each other.        

GROWING UP IN CHAMPAIGN

In 2007 I was living in Champaign, IL in a small, 2 bedroom trailer home with a  kitchen and living room. My trailer was surrounded around other trailer homes and the people that lived there were very friendly everyone got along with each other very well. There was a lot of open space just like the country if you wanted to go to the store you have to go at least 4 miles to get there and there was alway tornadoes. I spent most of my childhood there with my father, grandmother, and my 2 sisters. Me, my sisters, and my grandmother all had to share this one room together while my dad had a room to himself. There was always nothing to do because we were new to the town so we didn't know nobody or didn't know the area yet we didn't make friends quickly. Me and my sisters always talked about moving back to Chicago,IL because that's where we were from and we missed being there. We were talking and I said, “I need to go back I don't like it here.” My sister Special said,  “You're not lying don't like it here either!” My other sister Mitoria added,: “I miss being at home with mom we got to leave out of Champaign can't live here no more.” 

Schooling was very different from Chicago because they teach differently well every state is different and everybody teach and learn very differently me and my sisters always did the same thing everyday be in the house bored playing with barbie dolls, doing eat other nails, doing each other hair, or we go outside and play rope or look at the other kids play until one of them ask do we want to join them we introduced ourselves to each other became friends.

          Now looking back at my childhood it's different I grew up so quick barely can have time to myself can't go out I use to be so bored as a child now I wish I would've just went out and have runrun? as much as I can now I’m just a teen mom barely could go and have fun but I don't be bored like I used to as back then with my childhood because a mother's job is never done. It's always something to do even though I still don't have friends like that as of today to enjoy myself that’s what I have family for and the environment that I live in now is not like how it was during my childhood. Chicago is terrible now everybody just getting killed innocent people every time you turn around somebody’s dead or in critical condition the people are not friendly how they were in Champaign, here they’re rude as ever but looking back at my childhood I should have done things differently; I should've enjoyed my childhood instead i wasn’t  if only i didn't have a mind set as a older person i wouldn't be in the situation I’m at whole childhood gone.

My Queen is My #1 Supporter

 

February 2014 was when my son was conceived ,  July 2014 was when I found out I was 5 months pregnant, and November 5,2014 Vakis King Jr. was born ! At the time, I was hurt so deeply because I thought my life had ended. Once my doctor walked in and said, “Ms.Smith you're 5 months pregnant”,I couldn't believe his words. I thought I was dreaming. Only thing that was going through my mind was abortion abortion I can't raise no baby.I was only 15 Years of age, still young , in school, no job , and my mother was still taking care of me.

My mother was there with me inside the doctor's room with me when I found out that I was pregnant. She knew all along that I was pregnant but , I didn’t. She kept saying , “Tatii your stomach is getting hard and your boobs are getting big.” Then she asked me was I pregnant and I responded , “NO! I don’t want children until I’m 35 years old!” Then the next day after my younger sister’s party on July 17 , 2014 we went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. I told my baby’s father when I came from the doctor I didn’t know how to tell him cause I was scared myself because a little person was growing inside of me. When I told him I was laughing because I was scared. I was on my way to his house but he was walking down the street and I said , “I’m pregnant”. He said , “WHAT”! I said , “I’m pregnant”. He walked off in shame. Later on that day me and his mother tried to talk to him but we couldn’t because he was crying and upset he said , “I can’t raise no baby , my whole life over”. The next day me and him was talking about how we were going to take care of the baby and deal with school at the same time.

Throughout my pregnancy my mother was my number 1 supporter. I thought my mother was going to leave my side but she was the only one that stayed by my side. The father of my child was there during my pregnancy also but , his side of the family and his mother wasn't. His mother was the one that said, “Keep the baby I don’t believe in abortions, or adoption”. She also told me, “I will be there for my grandson no matter what”. She made me feel like I had nothing to worry about, my son was going to be alright.

On the day of my baby shower I realized that what she had told me was nothing but a big lie. She didn’t even show up.She also didn’t show up to his 1st birthday party. At this point she started to piss me off because she called and said she was going and she was ready and then when we went to pick her up she said she didn’t want to go anymore because my family didn’t like her. I was so pissed because it’s not about them it was about Vakis and she wasted our gas and time.That made me think, she doesn’t love my baby. Even though she wasn’t there I was glad I had my mother and his father by my side.

   For the baby shower and his first birthday my mother paid for everything: food , candy , cakes , drinks , decorations , etc. I'm young and unemployed if didn’t have my mother my son would’ve had nothing. Almost 2 years later and my mother helps me out even more. She watches him so I can go to school and she helps me with financially needs such as: diapers , milk , clothes , shoes , hair cut , and she pays for his day care.Vakis has a birthday coming up on the 5th of November , and my mother is paying for everything such as: cake , candy , clothes , shoes , party room , etc. If I Didn’t have my mother in my life i don’t know what I would do. I LOVE MY MOTHER WITH ALL MY HEART !

Memories at Key Lime Cove

As I watched the excitement on my son’s face as he played on the slides and in the water the past weekend at Key Lime Cove, it brought me back to the morning with my Mom and Brothers, when I was 10. I woke up in the back seat from the sound of her voice saying, “We’re here!” I squinted because all I seen was the big yellow building with white balconies so we parked and got our bags and snacks out the trunk of the car and went inside and then my face lit up seeing all the other parents and kids running around the place.

The reason I loved Key Lime Cove was because of the big pail that filled up with water after you came down the slide and stand up and it drops the water all over you and also the big toilet bowl slide. But I brought my son here because it was his big cousin birthday he had turned 4 years old but I want my son to remember the exact fun and excitement he had just like I did so I’m going to bring him back so he could remember.

Growing up my childhood with my mom she was always on me with school  and my grades and my home work but the number one thing she was definitely on was my reading and understanding what I am reading she used to always say “Reading is everything you’ll understand one day,” and then growing up she always took me and my brothers out to Outback Steak House where I always went to sleep before finishing my food because the blooming onions was so good as an appetizer with the brownish sauce and then she always took us to Safari Land and other fun places. 

Growing up my mother always showed me and my brothers love and understanding and also how to do things on our on because she used to tell us “I’m not  going to always be here” so hearing that all the time made me become the independent person I am today.

My Day at the Off The Street Club

One day long ago my father put me and my 7 brothers and sisters in this place called the the Off The Street Club. The club was one place that kids like myself would come to do our homework, play games, skate, and etc. One day at the club I was playing with this girl I liked. Her name was Ashley Hall one of the most cutest girls in the whole club. Now I know the rules of the club were no one could call themselves going out with anyone but I had other plans for me and her.

I think I was in love with going to the Off The Street Club just because I knew she was going to be there. It was like soon as my Dad would ask us who wanted to go to the club I would be the first person to jump up yelling, “Me,Me,Me!!!” He never knew why I was so happy to get to the club. But he knew I loved this place. At the club on Fridays at 6:00pm-9:30pm the club had skating going on. I loved skating because I knew I was good at it and I could show off my skills to everybody who did not know how to skate as well as I did. But mostly to show Ashley that I was the best skater ever (well in my eyes any way).

Days at the club with Ashley would blow me. Make me just want to go home or stay in the game room all day till it was time to go home. But mostly I would just go to the gym and flip around or something. The gym in the Off The Street Club was the best place to go if you did not know anyone in the club like that. Because everyone who was new to the club would be down there. The times that Ashley was not at the club I would go meet new people in the gym. But no one could match up to Ashley. The club was next to a Mcdonalds a place where if you get hungry in the club you sneak out and go to if you did not like what they was feeding you in the club. One day sneaking out the club to go to McDonalds because I was so hungry I just could not take it no more. On my way there you would never believe what I seen. I seen my Ashley kissing my best friend! After I seen that, that day I just stopped going to the club. But the club was one of the most fun places to go as a kid. It was truly one of a kind.

By Patrick D Bush Jr

Unsupportive Mother

Jacarra Brooks

                                                           Unsupportive Mother

           It’s Chicago, 1999, in the North Lawndale area. We live at 1916 S. Spaulding. My mom, my stepdad, my sister, my little brother, and my great granny. My great uncle Dino, who was in and out, also lived with us. He was my favorite. He allowed me to do whatever I wanted, even if it meant getting into an altercation with mom. As a child I was very quiet and curious. I was always getting into things. Although, me getting caught was rare because the people in my home were too busy worrying about other things. I would change my clothes at least five times a day, I would cut my hair, and I would torture my little brother. On one spring afternoon, I was holding on to the kitchen table while holding on to the microwave stand and swinging back and forth. My mom urged me to stop but I didn’t listen. After about five swings I fell face-first and there was blood everywhere. Blood on my face, blood on my brand new Reebok tracksuit, and blood all over the floor. Why didn't I listen to her? Now look at me! Bloody! Bruised! Got my mom yelling at me.

“Jacarra Brooks!” the doctor yells, as he leads my mom and I into this bright white room. As I lie down, the doctor places some sort of napkin under my chin and begins to pull some sort of string in and out .. in and out as I cry and yell at the top of my lungs. “Last one,” he says, “you’ve done a great job Jacarra but no more swinging!” He then places a huge white thing under my chin. I can already hear my classmates making fun of me.

***

It is fall now. The trees are orange, and the wind is blowing with just the right amount of sunlight. But my mother is crying. I ask her what’s wrong but she denies me. My sister, aka  “Miss Know It All”, informs me that my uncle Dino has passed. I’m not exactly sure how I should feel about the news, for I am only seven years old. I am unfamiliar with death, but I do know that my uncle will no longer be here to cook and enjoy weird food with me, to yell at my mom when I do something crazy, and to take me and my sister to the zoo.

“Wake up we’re going shopping!” says my sister. I immediately climb out of my bunk bed and begin getting dressed, though I am not excited to get clothes. I just want to be outdoors. We arrive to the store and my mom picks me out a yellow dress with pink flowers, white stockings, and black dress shoes. I was hoping for jeans. A tracksuit, or hell even a tee shirt! But my mom said that I Couldn't wear those type of items at a funeral. A funeral? What’s a funeral? I remember mom saying that it was a place where we get a chance to see our loved one one last time. The next morning, my rich ass grandmother flies in to Chicago from Texas for my uncle's funeral. She pulls up to our home in a black limousine. She’s wearing a fur coat, diamond earrings, and expensive shoes. We enter the limo and it’s really nice and spacious.I want to get up and run around the limo but I don’t want to upset my mom. When I see him for the last time, Dino is dressed in a nice black suit with shiny shoes. He looks as though he’s just resting. My family surrounds him with tears, kisses, and a few words. The next day my grandmother kisses me on the forehead and departs for Texas. The house is filled with an awkward silence now that Dino is gone. My great grandmother is handicapped. Does she enjoy being in her room alone in the dark or is my mother just that fucking selfish?  I go into my great grandmother's room sometimes to check on her. I know that my grandmother is heartbroken about the death of her son, Dino, but her sadness is much deeper than that. Whenever someone walks into her room she swears at them! The only time she sees daylight is when my mom bathes her and when it's time for her to eat.

***

It is now January, the year 2000. I am in the living room at my coloring table doing my homework. My mom is in the kitchen cooking while talking on the phone with her friend. She calls me into the kitchen to take my grandmother her sandwich. “Here granny’, “I don't want that shit! Bring me some water!” I go into the kitchen to tell my mother that she doesn't want the sandwich and that she wants some water instead, but she ignores me and continues to talk on the phone. I decide to pour her some water on my own. When I get to her room she begins to cough. I urge her to drink her water. After two sips of water she lies down and gets completely silent. “Granny, granny!’ No response. I run to the kitchen to tell my mom but she continues to ignore me. I continuously beg her to come until she finally agrees. A few moments later two men arrive. They carry my granny out on a long orange bed. “Where are they taking her mom?” “To the hospital, she's sick.” It has been a week and I am back in my yellow dress with pink flowers, white stockings, and black dress shoes. My granny is gone. She’s with Dino now. My grandmother’s room later became mine. I kept my night-light on and I would sometimes beg my sister to sleep with me. I was afraid that my granny would haunt me and reclaim her room.

                                                     ***

My mother had a gambling addiction. She would gamble at the casino overnight and power her phone off so no one would interrupt her. Sometimes I would think too hard and cry. Is my mother ok? Is she dead? My mother quit her job because her boyfriend was securing the household. He would make sure that the bills were paid and that we had every pair of Jordans until him and my mother split up. One morning, as we were getting ready to head to school, a man was waiting outside of our home. My mom handed me her car keys and ordered me to give them to the man. She was too fucking embarrassed to do so herself. The dealership was forced to pick the car up because my mom was too far behind on her monthly car payments. We ended up hitching a ride to school that day. Seems as though after that day, everything went downhill. I begin to notice that my mother wasn't able to support us. She would often leave us home alone without notice with nothing to eat. Was she out gambling again? How could she leave us alone like this? Whenever she returned home, we would always transfer our belongings to my cousin’s house. We were getting evicted. It wasn't long before we officially moved in with them. It was difficult to adjust because my cousin already had six children of her own with a three bedroom apartment. My mother started disappearing again. I found it quite annoying and disrespectful. She was ungrateful. My cousin would get angry at times and cry. She was tired of watching someone else's children on top of watching her own. My cousin was tired. For she had done all she could for us. Soon enough we moved to my aunt’s house. We shared a room in her creepy-ass basement. My mom was absent then too. I had already given up on my mom. My dad began to come around. He and my mom had gotten back together. He helped her get an apartment and she also found a new job. Hopefully she’ll get her act together.

   

     My mother is pregnant now. After 12 fucking years you decide to have another child? My mother and father have been planning this baby for weeks. They would often ask me and my siblings if we wanted a baby brother but we didn’t really care. My father wanted a son and that’s exactly what he got. They named him Jeremy. By the time Jeremy was one, my mother was expecting another child. This time it was a baby girl and she wasn’t planned. Her name was Je’Maria. My big sister was a runaway, so I was always assigned to watch my younger siblings. At only twelve years old. I couldn’t enjoy my childhood. I wasn’t able to go outside and socialize like everyone else. If I tried to, my mother would yell at me and force me back into the house. I had to cook, clean, change diapers, and prepare bottles. My mother and my father had broken up, so she was working overnight to secure the household. My father didn’t have enough fucking sense to babysit his own fucking kids. Or maybe he just didn’t want to. After a while my mother grew tired from working all of the time. She began to shorten her hours at work. She’s about to start fucking up again.

       It’s been two years. I am fourteen. We live in a new apartment not too far away from our last home. My mother is dating now. She goes out almost every night. She never asks anyone to look after Jeremy and Jemaria, instead she yells “look after your siblings!” when she’s damn near outside of the front door. There are local parties for teens that I would love to attend but I always have to wait on my mom to return home. But by the time she made it home, it would always be too late. She never considered my childhood or my idea of enjoyment.  Was it because she gave birth to my big sister at the tender age of fifteen? Was it because she was unable to enjoy her childhood?

                                                    

       I am now twenty one, but these memories forever lie within me. My mother remains the same. I am a firm believer that she will never change. She tries to contact me at times but I rarely answer for her. She’s not calling to see if I'm in good health, to ask if I need help with anything, nor does she ask questions about my new school. The pain from my unsupportive-ass mother has not made me weak. It has made me strong and independent. I will continue to move forward with my life, and if I ever have children I vow to be there for them. As a mother should be.

The Supportive Mother

One morning when I was 12, my mom woke me up at like 5:00am to get in shape. She had me running up and down the court every time I missed a free-throw, then had me doing push ups to get me stronger. My mom was the real role model of my life. She went to a high school in Michigan and played varsity basketball for a school called Central, and when she first showed me the life of basketball I hated it. I was one of them bad little kids that wanted to smoke and hang with my friends every day and stay out and rap, but my mom, she made me do something she knew I would have a passion for and made sure I stayed out the streets. 

One time I tried out for the basketball team at a school called Washington in Minnesota but I didn’t make the team because I wasn’t really a good basketball player. Some people laughed at me because they knew I didn’t play basketball. Why would I even try out after that I went home to my mom in shame. After telling her what happened she looked sad for a minute and told me,”Well maybe next year”. After that I went in my room and got down on my knees and cried and prayed to God to help me get better then I went to sleep in tears. The next morning I knew I had to make this my number one goal to get better so all summer long, all I did was play basketball 24/7 to get better. I worked on how high I can jump, my speed with the ball, my strength, ball handling, defense, and stamina, because at the time I had asthma so I couldn’t go that far. So I suffered at what I had thought would be endless night of pain not using my inhaler. I stopped using my breathing machine no matter how hard it was for me or how much I needed it I didn’t take it until I got used to the pain And agony And now I could run longer faster with-out running out of breath that fast and I could hold my breath longer too so I felt as if I was ready.

 My 8^th grade year came around, and on basketball tryouts day I was sweating because I didn’t want to get cut. When tryouts came through I worked my hardest ran the fastest, and was always in front of the line. I made 50% of my shots and just was focused and didn’t breathe hard at all. I wanted the coach to see just because I’m small does not mean I can’t take the same or give out more effort then these bigger guys! Next day the coach made final cuts and put them on the wall in front of the whole school to see. I was scared for my life if I got cut again so I couldn’t look so I told my best friend Tevin to look for me. He went to look and said,” No.” I felt a whole bunch of emotions roaming through my body. (I worked so hard) I went to class and sat down in shame. I got really mad and put my head down then the coach came on the intercom and said, “Give a round of applause to your mens' Falcon basketball players Marco Thomas, Tevin Jones, G.K Wisely… I looked at my friend like,” really you gone play me like that? and the whole class laughed because they knew how bad I worked for it and how much I wanted it. So I made the team and I couldn’t wait to run home from how happy I was and tell my mom the news. Once I got home I ran to my mom and told her how I made the team and was one of the three top point guards She was proud of me and we went out and celebrated. 

I learned that practicing and working hard giving 100% effort gets you to where you want to go. My mother she was a tough woman. She believed in love because after all. Our fathers left out her life  or tried to do my mother wrong, she became a new a different person. She became a black African American Queen she worked 2 jobs graduated high school and college and became a nurse and has been doing all types of jobs she has been the most successful women I know and has been a positive role model of mine. The way I feel about my mother is I love my mom she pushes me to my limits and even tries to push me past them so I can get better. She sees the good in me she knows I can be great I can achieve greatness I can complete my goals That’s why I love her because she loves me even though she doesn’t say it I know she doesn’t say it because  its just not something we do; we share a connection in different ways.

Marco D. Thomas

Losing A Loved One

         Early one sunny morning when I was eight years old my mom used to wake me up everyday around the same time. My mom had to be at work by a certain time so she made sure I was ready. She told me, “ Baby you are getting older now you have to start going to school by yourself because they changing my work hours.“I said, “But mom I'm scared I Don't wanna go  to school by myself.”  You have to know how to get on the bus to get to your school, here's some money and your Auntie Teresa would be there when you get out of school. I guess I felt better that she said my aunt would be there when I get home because she was my favorite tete. So even though my mom was working alot she made sure I got to school and also had a roof over my head. Although my father wasn't around a lot he came around sometimes and I loved my father but my momma loved and hated him at the same time they didn't get along most of the time. My mom was trying her hardest to get us to moved from the area we live in that's why she pulled extra hours in just so we could find a nice apartment so she finally found us a nice apartment down the street from my aunt’s house and right by my school I Only had to take one bus. She was so happy when she received her keys I remember the look on her face.

      One month settled in our new apartment it was my birthday month so since we was in our new apartment my mom wanted to throw me a birthday party. On November 8th a day I would never forget the hardest day for me. It was 8 days before my birthday. Early that morning my mom was having a conversation with me about her being sick and that it was getting really bad so I was telling her that she was going to be ok and just pray about it. My mom dropped me off at my aunt's house because it was report card pick up at the school but she had to work. Her and my auntie was going to get my report card later after my mom got off work . Later during the day  my auntie told me she was going to meet my mom to go get my report card from school so I Stayed with my cousin and played around the house Hours passed by my mom grandma called me and my cousin in for dinner I saw my oldest cousin crying so I said, “Where my momma at ?” I have not seen her since this morning no one answered the question I felt like something was wrong I asked my older cousin, “What’s wrong?” She didn't answer either. My auntie Teresa came in so I was looking behind her to see if my mom was coming up the stairs  but she wasn't  My auntie told me that my mom had died a couple hours ago and I seen in her eyes she had been crying and was trying to stay strong for me All I could do was cry because she was my favorite person in the world and I couldn't picture waking up not seeing my mommy anymore. I was so hurt I felt like there was nothing else inside me I felt like  I had died so much was running through my  Who do I have now ? Who will make my day when  someone  make me upset at school ?  My mom was my rock couldn't nobody answer those questions I knew that day had changed me forever I knew I would never be the same.  Looking back on that memory that happened 10 years ago I am now 19 years old I would always think of all the great time me and mother had. My mom was a very special person in my life she was very caring and funny person if you mad she would make you laugh and put a smile on your face . Even though she not here with she still in my heart I  would never forget she taught me so much that she made the women I am today I felt she knew something was going to happen to her so she tried to prepared me the real world at a young so I loved her so much for that. Rest in peace mommy I miss you and you would always be in my heart .

Fictitious Expections

4 years ago I decided to attend Westinghouse College Prep following behind my sister. I was told that Westinghouse was an extremely hard high school to get into but because of my work ethic and good grades, that I had gotten in. I than learned that high school and middle school were completely different. In middle school everything was easy, and I felt as if I wasn’t challenged enough. The transition from middle school to high school was so difficult because in middle school I was never distracted and my mom kept close ties to the school. Everything in high school changed, for one my mom didn’t have any ties to Westinghouse. It didn’t help that I went into Westinghouse thinking, “I’m smart, I don't need to work as hard as everyone else here.” I quickly found out that wasn't the case at Westinghouse. 

Freshman year I had the lowest GPA of my life. I had failed many classes and struggled the entire year. After freshman, summer 2012, I wanted to take a break so, I didn't attend summer school. Also, back then I always thought, “I got time”, I didn't take any online classes. The following school year I did better, I didn't fail any classes, but my GPA was still a bit low. I noticed that I was just doing enough to just flow by, which didn’t bother me. Looking back, just “floating” by should've bothered me and I would've been more successful. Because I started to expect less from myself, I provided less and therefore succeeded less. Junior year I forgot about all of my missed credits and started to take school for granted. Also, I had an attractive girlfriend and a lot of friends, because of this I started to care less about school. Also, my first three years made me pay my final year of high school. Senior year was the year I took my first AP class and a bunch of other honors classes. My second semester I took 9 regular classes, Monday through Friday (7:45 am- 5pm), one Saturday class, and two online classes. So, I was doing double the workload of other students each day. During this overhaul of work, I thought that it was possible to make up the missing credits and graduate on time. Come June 11, 2016, graduation day, I fell ½ credit short. My counselor and vice principal wanted to claim that i've done more than any other student this last semester. Which was true, but I couldn't feel any pride, because while my counselor said I was one of the “brightest students that Westinghouse has had in a long time”, my peers were graduating and I wasn’t. Because I was going off to college that winter, I took that as a life lesson, “time waits on no one.” The summer after graduation, Summer 2016, I tried to attend summer school but couldn't because of family issues. So once again time wasn’t waiting on me. Fall came by and college was 4 months away and I was still missing my last ½ credit. My dad kept pressuring me to get my last credit and to go to college, So, I decided to attend Austin Community to finish my high school education. I think that this was the right choice to finish high school, receive my diploma and move on to college for second semester. Looking back I think that this was a huge hole I put myself into freshman year, and I am now trying to fill the hole completely which took time but i’m finally almost done and ready to move on.

The Definition of a Deadbeat

LaCrystal Davis
              

   Teenagers need father, authority figures to be in their life because from my experience my dad did the opposite of being a father, my dad didn’t do nothing for me like when i needed pampers and he had money he just didn’t buy me anything i mean I didn’t ask to be here but as I was a baby he didn’t do anything for me. I always asked myself was it me or my mother?, I feel that I had no one but mom and I hated that my mom had to take care of me by myself I also, hated that all my siblings had father figures and I’m the only one without a father. My sisters dad came in the picture and start taking care of me it lasted and I was a little happy but it would have been better if my own dad was there because if he was here I wouldn’t be so much like my mom. Smart mouth, don’t think about what I say, speak my mind, outspoken and plus I act like a lil boy can’t nobody handle me, not even my mom I just feel like if my father was in my life putting pressure on me and being strict I’ll be more as a woman and wouldn’t give my mother no hard time. Another thing when me and my got into it she put me out I called my dad to go live with him he told me “NO!” and I  was just looking like he was bogus because if I’m your daughter why would you make me live on the streets because you want the house to you and girlfriend and I wasn’t staying there for good but gladly his girlfriend said i could stay she told him he was bogus as well. Now I’m grown and pregnant he try to talk to me now because I’m getting on my stuff but I’ll walk pass him like I don’t know him because still to this day my feelings hurt about the situation but it’s a lesson learned watch who you lay down with because my mother made a big mistake I just hope I didn’t either.